I finally gained the strength to keep my eyes open and ate more ice. Eventually I had to drink some water before I was ready to go see her. I 'caught a ride' into the NICU (I was still in my bed after all!) and was able to see my baby girl for the first time!
She was so precious! I was allowed to put my hand in the little hole and touch her. She was so tiny and fragile! she honestly looked like a little dolly that's in the store, just hooked to a bunch of machines and being incubated! So peacefull.... I couldn't stay long because I had to get back into recovery and later go into my room.
I visited her every chance I got. I couldn't walk much, or very fast, because I was in so much pain from the surgery. On a scale from 1- 10 with 10 being painful, comparing it to a normal c-section, it was a 20! They had to cut me up and down instead of sideways so they could do the hysterectomy. Luckily, the cat scan's pictures weren't exactly accurate and my placenta grew UNDER my bladder, not into it like the results showed.That was a lot of good news, other wise I would have had a longer recovery!
She was perfect in every way, just small! She always had troubles keeping her oxygen levels up, typical for a preemie at 32 weeks! That means she was 2 MONTHS early! Needless to say, we were not ready for her! The nurses were able to let me give her her first bottle. She drank it! I was so excited! I then gave her to Dar and of course, she fell asleep. That little bit, less than an ounce, wore her out! We then had to put her back in the incubator with 2 blankets burritoing her up so she could keep her body temperature up.
I stayed in the hospital for 2 days after she was born then they reffered me to the 'Ronald McDonald house'. That place is awesome! I don't like McDonalds but I do like their charitable investments. The Ronald McDonald house is like a mini-motel that is for patients that travel to ST.Josephs and Phoenix Childrens hospital for differant medical reasons. (cancers, treatments, surgeries, etc.) Then they have a place to stay that is really close to the hospital. It doesn't cost very much, although my insurance paid for it. They go off of volunteer work, companies and organizations making dinners, and money donations. To read more about it click here. It really was a cool place! They even have the little volunteer dogs come in to see the kids!I must add here that right after I was released from the hospital, the first thing I did was go out and eat! I have never been so happy to go outside! Front not going outside for 4 weeks, it was amazing!
Anyways, I stayed there and the next day my sister came to stay with me for a week! I know I weasn't great company, all I did was go back and forth to the hospital to visit her, pump as much milk as I could, and sleep. We did do a puzzle and play some games but even that was limited. She also had her newborn Karly.
I wasn't even supposed to pick anything up over 8 LBS but I still did. It was so nice to have somebody there who had gone through the whole NICU experience too! (She went through that a couple of times!!!) I was so grateful for her!Dar and the kids continued to come visit every weekend but they had limited time with me. I couldn't cuddle with them, pick them up, or anything. Just hug them gently and give them kisses. Rusty even learned to put on his shoes by himself while I was gone! He grew up waaayyy too fast! Ashlyn on the other hand wasn't growing up fast enough! She was fed out of a feeding tube every 3 hours and twice a day I could try and give her a bottle. The problem with giving her a bottle was it would tire her out too easy and then she wouldn't have the energy to keep breathing normal. She was on oxygen most times. The routine was the same everytday. I walk into the NICU, scrub my hands, give the nurses all my milk, take her temperature, changer her diaper, THEN I was able to hold my angel and every now and then, give her a bottle. For a while, she didn't want the bottle, she just fell asleep. She was always falling asleep because, well, that's what babies do! It took me 4 days to even hear her cry! She never cried! She was the perfect little baby.
Two and a half weeks of this continuing, and they finally mover her down to the NICU nursery, where the babies arn't so closely monitored. This was great becuase before, only 2 people were allowed to go see her at a time. Now, you could have more people come in, but sit in a little waiting area. They even allowed my kids to come in and see her a lot. It was all a blur together doing the same thing every day, but eventually she got to really enjoy the bottle, and the pacifier. She was so cute with her pacifier! 
A week later, they took out her feeding tube! Every milestone was huge for her! Now all she had to do was keep her oxygen levels up for a continuous 48 hours before she could come home! She would always get so close! She would go 30 hours and then have a little spell and scare the nurses. I think she enjoyed teasing them! I even came to find out she doesn't really cry in the day, but at night she's noisy!!! It must be that I couldn't be there at night! Yeah, that's it. I was even able to bring in some outfits and dress her up! I loved playing dress up with her! It was so fun!
I was eventually able to bring her home after just 4 weeks. She was still under 5 LBS so she had to come home in a car bed. If you want to see what that is, click here. It's a special carseat for preemies since they can't be in a normal carseat. She also had to come home on oxygen and a special monitor that measures her oxygen levels and her heart rate. But, hey, at least she got to come home!!!! 2 months withough good ole JC was too long! I missed my friends, family, and of course my bed! Oh, and being home with Dar everyday and my kids were awesome too! My parents even bought a little doll outfit just to see if she would fit, and she did! I had many people give me preemie clothes which was awesome because she fit into them for a while. Newborn clothes were too big. I even made a good friend with someone from Showlow who had a preemie also! He was born a week before Ash and was able to go home 3 days before us. He was such a cute baby (and still is) with a cute name, Reese. Everytime I heard him name, I always thought of Resses PB cups, which made me crave them! She was also such a good friend, she gave me rides to the hospital so I didn't have to call for transportation. Heven sent....She went to the doctor every week to get her oxygen levels checked and eventually was able to get off of oxygen completly! Quite honestly, I only gave her oxygen and monitored her at night. That was a decision I felt as a mother I could make. I had a good feeling that she was fine without it. One doctors visit took a turn for worse. Her doctor had a feeling that something wasn't right with her hip. He ordered x-rays for her and they confirmed what he thought, she had hip dysplasia.
That is where the hip socket isn't deep enough to keep your hip in place. Another common thing for preemies. She then had to wear a harness, 24/7. I was able to take it off for baths, diaper changes, and she got breaks for 10 minutes at a time. It normally is very uncomfortable for kids but lucky for me, she still liked to sleep all day AND night so she didn't even notice it was there! She kept that on for 3 weeks fully and 1 week was spent weening her off of it. There wasn't any way of knowing it was fixed and healed up until she would start walking. Luckily, two months ago we went and got that done and it is perfect! Miracles of miracles.She is now a feisty little thing that LOVES to tease her brother and sister. She had such a funny personality and is now by far my hardest child. My other 2 kids were quiet in church, this one, we had to sit in the back of the room during classes because she was so noisy people moved away from us to hear! She always takes toys from her brother and sister just to make them scream! Oh, her laugh, I can't forget about that. You know the movie 'Emperors grove'? Ezma's laugh? Yeah, that's hers! Exactly! It sounds so evil and cute at the same time! She is defidently something else...... I will say this, it's a good thing I was forced to have a hysterectomy because having her and everything she puts me through, I don't know when I wouldve been able to brave another one! We always wanted to have 5 kids, but ended up with 3. The good thing is there is always adoption. That is something that we will be looking into much, much in the future.
You are always such a pill Ash but you are a darn cute one! never change and always stay the way you are. I love you!
LOVE IT! IT's a good thing she's so darn cute... otherwise it wouldn't have been worth it. :) Great post, and thanks for the memories! I forgot about the pict. of Karly and Ronald..... very cute!
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